{"id":8259,"date":"2023-07-27T16:41:47","date_gmt":"2023-07-27T16:41:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movesflash.com\/?p=8259"},"modified":"2023-07-27T16:41:47","modified_gmt":"2023-07-27T16:41:47","slug":"he-makes-me-laugh-but-i-really-want-to-scream","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/27\/he-makes-me-laugh-but-i-really-want-to-scream\/","title":{"rendered":"He Makes Me Laugh But I Really Want To Scream!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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He Makes Me Laugh
\nBut I Really Want To Scream!<\/h1>\n

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Bad boyfriends don’t disguise themselves,<\/em>
\ntheir girlfiends do it for them.<\/em><\/p>\n

There are a million and five reasons you start to like someone. Or develop a crush on someone. Or start to date someone. Or marry someone. There\u2019s typically a string of characteristics that you see in someone that combine in your mind to form a sort of platform for a prospective partner, someone you can share everything with. Maybe they\u2019re cute, they\u2019re funny, they\u2019re easy-going, they\u2019re a lot of fun to go out with. Maybe they\u2019re not concerned with seemingly frivolous affairs, like, say, money? These were a few of the genius reasons I started dating my ex-boyfriend. Seems pretty harmless, doesn\u2019t it? Lovely, actually. And he was, after all, all of those nice things. But exactly how do these initial points of attraction translate into the reality of sharing a relationship, and subsequently your life, with someone? Into reciprocal affection and concern for one another on a continual basis? Well, in my case, like shit.<\/p>\n

Ideal scenario: My new boyfriend is so funny, he always makes me laugh. Sounds great, right? My new boyfriend is super laid-back and easy-going. Fabulous. My new boyfriend is so much fun to hang out with, we just always have a great time. Sound fucking fantastic or what?! Sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare is what it sounds like to me now. These initial features seemed to be the framework for a long-lasting and stable bond. (just keeping things rational!) Turns out, \u201cstable\u201d was just about the last adjective on the face of the earth that could have been used to describe our hellish little case. Instead, together we created one huge and strangely unique cluster fuck of neglect and vicious behavior over the course of nearly three years.
\nIt started innocently enough. We were best friends. We were more or less inseparable. In retrospect, maybe being just friends with someone to start with kicked off this recipe for disaster? After all, we pick our friends and boyfriends differently…right? Or maybe not. Maybe I just picked him because he had all the qualities I would want\u2026in a friend. Which might not intrinsically seem like a bad thing. I mean, we do end up being so extremely close with our boyfriends or girlfriends that they actually do become our best friends. Don\u2019t we? This is the type of rationalization that got me screwed. Because in reality, you don\u2019t want to actually screw your best friend. Everyone knows that once you screw, everything else is screwed. And why would you want to screw up your friendship? It\u2019s all very screwy. But when you meet someone who should be only your friend and nothing more, yet you ignore this instinct and spend all your time with them anyway\u2026and you gradually develop a habit of strong cocktails and snuggling\u2026well, you are going to screw. And get screwed. Trust me.
\nOnce I got past the weirdness of translating my best friendship into the most functional form of a relationship I could manage, things were, well, different. Shocking, huh? Suddenly my new boyfriend was not my new boyfriend anymore. He was just my boyfriend. No more new. But what\u2019s even weirder is the fact that the whole \u201cfriendship\u201d we had spent a year building had vanished. No matter what you do, you can\u2019t get a friendship back after taking such a big step away from it. This is less than desirable when the entire reason you started dating was because of your friendship. Yes, all that italicizing is necessary. It happens to be just about the most significant part of my story.
\nSo when that blinding rush of NEW wasn\u2019t quite there anymore, what happens? After a couple months, shock waves tend to fizzle. Reality checks in and colors fade out. Moving from a realm of friendship and lightheartedness to a space of love and commitment is truly a mind-numbing web of confusion. There\u2019s such finality to it. And there is definitely and most assuredly no turning back from it. I was certainly caught in that web for a while. And I was left with the reality of what it\u2019s like to date your best friend. To make matters worse, sure enough, we shared all the exact same mutual friends. So things translated from friendship into romantic relationship life like a fucking foreign language.
\nWell, guess what \u201cfunny\u201d translated into? Sarcastic. Dry. Almost just plain mean. Never takes anything seriously. Never takes me seriously. Ever. EVER. One big bucket of laughs, huh?! Guess what laid-back translated into? Zero personal effort, zero emotional effort, zero sanity for me. I think you get the picture but just for shits, guess what \u201ca lot of fun\u201d translated into? Oh I don\u2019t know, say, five, six nights a week spent heavily drinking? Sure. And naturally, a bi-weekly trip to the casino for good measure. Good times.
\nNow, for the record, I\u2019m not actually angry with my ex-boyfriend (anymore) and I don\u2019t harbor negative or violent feelings for him (most of the time). Because what did he do, really? Other than be himself? He was exactly who I fell in love with from the moment I started dating him until the moment I was throwing his belongings in large quantities down the stairs of my house. Exactly. He didn\u2019t change a pinch. (Total asshole, right?) Did I even want him to change? Not really, that\u2019s the thing. I loved him as a boyfriend for the same reasons I had loved him as a friend. Had I changed? To be honest, not really. I wanted the same things from start to finish. What had changed was the course our friendship, our transition to a relationship, our relationship itself. Of course, we grew older, we changed in the usual ways 20-somethings will change. But I tend to think it was less about us changing and more about our efforts to transform an impossibility into a possibility. Who did we think we were?
\nSo why is it that when, post-ridiculously-dramatic-break-up, I met a guy who was sweet, sane, and perfectly suitable for me, I promptly rejected the entire idea of him? He would have been perfect for me. He would have treated me like gold. He \u2013 probably, most likely \u2013 wouldn\u2019t be ditching me on anniversary dinner plans at the last minute to go to a strip club. So why was there not one thing about him that excited me? Is it just the chase? I don\u2019t think so, I tire quickly. Is it the need to be the girl who can change the guy? I don\u2019t think so, I\u2019m far too dreamy for such work. Or is it just that no matter what, women like myself are drawn to men who are just no good for them. No matter what, those initial attractions, the very same ones that often draw us to be friends with someone, snowball into the exact qualities that drive us into a frenzied fury of mutual despair \u2013 even hatred \u2013 come closing time. But ask me today what characteristics I look for in a man. I dare you. Answer: Cute! Funny! Fun! Laid-back! What is the issue here? Well, for now, I don\u2019t want to think about it. I am currently much too busy sleeping with a fresh new brand of cocky, self-important prick. And he\u2019s totally adorable.<\/p>\n

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  He Makes Me Laugh But I Really Want To Scream!   Bad boyfriends don’t disguise themselves, their girlfiends do it for them. There are a million and five reasons you start to like someone. Or develop a crush on someone. Or start to date someone. Or marry someone. There\u2019s typically a string of characteristics […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8236,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-8259","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-featured"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8259"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8259\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}