A Pauper\u2019s Guide to Gold Digging
\nI\u2019m broke. I was born broke, I\u2019ve been broke, and since I majored in what is effectively a hobby, I\u2019m most likely always going to be broke. I\u2019m also incredibly, incredibly single. And look, I understand the old phrase that \u201cmoney can\u2019t buy you love\u201d but I figured I might as well try to kill two birds with one stone, right? Look, the fact of the matter is, money can\u2019t buy you love, but it can by you a lot of lovely things. Clothes. Real estate. The funds to commission artists to create Soviet-era portraits of your likeness. You know, things that make you happy. And isn\u2019t that what America\u2019s about The pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness? No one ever specified that happiness can\u2019t include getting Botox injections with your elderly boyfriend\u2019s 401K and then blowing the rest on a spree at Saks. I don\u2019t need your judgment. My generation is screwed. By the time we\u2019re ready to retire, all of our Social Security money will be dried up and sent away to China. We\u2019re going to have to work until we\u2019re dead. All of our money has been given to old, rich, white guys anyway, so why shouldn\u2019t they have to pay us back? That being said, I\u2019ve compiled a guide to getting yourself a sugar daddy or mommy; a step-by-step list to propel yourself to Anna Nicole greatness. Here goes nothing. Step 1) Go to gay millionaire speed dating events. Step 2) Start a new career as an end of life caretaker. Do it in the nude. And so on and so on and so on…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A Pauper\u2019s Guide to Gold Digging I\u2019m broke. I was born broke, I\u2019ve been broke, and since I majored in what is effectively a hobby, I\u2019m most likely always going to be broke. I\u2019m also incredibly, incredibly single. And look, I understand the old phrase that \u201cmoney can\u2019t buy you love\u201d but I figured I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10562,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-11829","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-bitch"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11829","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11829"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11829\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10562"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11829"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11829"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev2025-2-2.movesflash.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11829"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}