“I don’t want to straight-face youRace or chase you, track or trace youOr disgrace you or displace youOr define you or confine youAll I really want to doIs, baby, be friends with you”—Bob Dylan

Listen, I get that you think that you’re hot shit, random girl on the subway, but you don’t have to be a stuck-up bitch. We are both in an extremely crowded train car, and you happen to be directly in front of me, so my eyes met yours. To fill the awkwardness, I just smiled, and waited for you to smile back, or maybe just look away. But no. you had to scrunch up your little white girl face, look me up and down, and then scoff. There are millions of women in this city, so chances are, you’re going to bump into a few strangers, even make some awkward eye contact. They’re not all looking to bang you, I promise. Take that stick you have lodged in your ass and throw it away. I promise you will have lots more fun after you stop beating yourself with it.