Listen, I get that baseball is America’s favorite pastime or whatever, but I AM SOOOO GLAD THE SEASON’S ALMOST OVER. I swear if one more personhad suggested we go to a Red Sox v. Yankees game as a weekend day trip, I was going to lose it. Baseball is boring! If you say otherwise, then I genuinely think you need to see a doctor. How in the heck can you find sitting and staring at men repeatedly miss hitting a ball entertaining? God-forbid someone actually hits a home run or something. I mean that’s the only entertaining thing that happens in a game and if you make it through the whole nine innings, which I never do obviously, that only ever happens a handful of times. Fall ball is okay because you can just hang out with your friends in the stands, but summer games are literal hell on earth. You’re sitting in blistering heat for hours on end listening to angry men swear at players and get progressively drunk as the day goes on. And what’s with the peanuts still? Shouldn’t “peanuts and crackerjacks” be left in the 60s. The amount of fans that don’t go to games because they have a raging peanut allergy, is probably surprisingly high. I love baseball hats and I love baseball boys, but I can do without going to another baseball game for the rest of my life.
Monday, Apr 6, 2026
