The jig is up: y’all can’t actually be reading on the subway. I simply don’t believe it. Every time I see a little indie motherfucker on the train pretending to read I just roll my eyes because there’s no way, in this crowded ass metro that is rocking around constantly, are you actually able to read any words off that page of “Crime and Punishment.” Be so for real right now. I am convinced you guys are pretending just to look cool and mysterious, when in reality, you’re going to have to go back and re-read those three pages that you pretended to flip through during your 15 minute ride. Don’t even get me started on the people who are STANDING too. Like okay maybe if you’re sitting and at relatively calm hour, you might comprehend some of what you’re “reading,” but standing in a packed car? Impossible. Just stop pretending and stare off into the abyss like the rest of us.
Monday, Apr 6, 2026
