Rats are people too, you know!

Rats are people too, you know!
Maxine, retail, UWS
I’m trying not to be a terrible person. But I’m having a hard time. Recently I’ve been buying all cruelty-free products, you know, so I don’t have the blood and tears of a million testing beagles on my conscience. But I have to say, what I thought would be a simple period of adjustment has turned into a nightmare. Do animal activists not care about odor, hygiene, or personal enjoyment? Every cruelty-free product I buy is dull, ineffective, and smells like patchouli. I don’t want to smell like patchouli. I want to smell like a normal person who doesn’t poison animals. Is that too much to ask? Look, I’m all for animal rights, but I want anti-perspirant not deodorant and if I have to poison a couple of rats so I don’t sweat like a whore in church I think that might be the way to go.