“Hounds Follow Those That Feed Them”

“Hounds Follow Those That Feed Them”
Why is it that people with small dogs can’t bear to leave the house without them? They’re on planes, on the subway, in stores, at restaurants… barking those high little barks and drooling all over the place. And worse, people who treat their dogs like kids. My neighbor reprimands her dog for being a dog. It was licking itself the other day and my neighbor shouted, “We don’t do that here Truffles. Mommy said no!” What’s next, no X-Box? Freak! And what are we standbyers supposed to do in that situation? After the owners (note the terminology) put on a big show of ‘goochi goochi gooing’ their little furry babies, they look up at me like as if it’s my turn to baby talk their dog too. I don’t think so. Are you crazy? I have friends who are so obsessed with their dogs that it’s to the point where I’m just plain weirded out. At the beginning I played along a little, giving into the “AWWW!”s just to satisfy whatever my friend wanted from me. But now I’m just tired and I don’t care. Every time you bring your dog to hang out, which is strange to begin with, don’t expect to me to talk to it like it’s your new born child. And don’t get seriously offended when I don’t aid to your own dramaticezed affection for it. It’s not that I don’t think it’s cute. Yeah, whatever, it’s cute. But it’s a dog. It has no idea what we are saying. If anything it probably thinks you are nuts for dancing around like that and making those insane noises and faces at him. I’m on his side. Relax. Take him out of his stroller and take off his paw sized snowboots before this gets seriously out of hand.